Hello! My name is Monica, but you can call me your newest e-roommate. My best friend/ex-roommate and I blog over at Ask the Duplex, a blog where we ask all of the questions that we used to be able to ask our roommates any hour of the day.
Disclaimer: This post may or may not gross you out. You may also lose all respect for me as your surrogate roommate. If you are one who believes in personal hygiene, bathing, or have a fear of lice, please exit this post at your earliest convenience.
People often wonder how I can go so long without washing my hair. I mentioned in a recent post that I have a toolkit full of dirty (literally) little secrets. I have a lifetime supply of secrets, and I actually studied trichology for 2,000 hours. Okay, I just went to cosmetology school, but trichology just sounds a lot cooler. And, my goal in life is to sound cool.
So, let’s delve in, shall we? Take the picture below for example:
Looks clean, right? It’s not. In fact, it’s not clean at all and it’s actually healthier than it would be if I washed my hair every day or even every other day.
So, let’s discuss how to fool people into believing you’re clean…
Wash your hair two times. Yeah, you heard me. Scrub that little noggin of yours twice. It goes a little something like this… You get in the shower, wet your hair down, put shampoo in your hair, scrub it a lot, rinse it out. Then, do this all over again: get more shampoo, scrub, and rinse. You are washing and rinsing your hair two times — one time to get all the gunk out (e.g., baby powder, hairspray) and one time to get the hair nice and clean.
Get scrubbin’. When I say scrub that noggin, I’m not joking. Get those little fingernails ready and scrub like you mean it.
Condition from the earlobes down. After you have scrubbed your scalp nice and clean, you need to condition the ENDS of your hair. Ends, being the key word here, folks. Your roots don’t need conditioning.
Get your hands outta there. Remember when it was cool to run your fingers through your hair? You would start at the bangs and push the hair back, but then two seconds later it would fall back to a middle part, so then you’d have to run your fingers through it again. Anyone remember that? Or was that just cool at my Junior High? Anyways, it’s not cool anymore. Don’t do it.
Get some baby powder. Baby powder will change your life. Blonde hair, red hair, brown hair, black hair. It doesn’t matter. Baby powder soaks up oils and let’s you go longer between washes. All you do is put some baby powder in your hands (preferably a scented kind – you smell less like a baby that way), whip your head upside down and put the baby powder straight in the roots. Then brush it out. Then avoid giving your husband a hug while he is wearing a black suit. Also, avoid going straight to the gym — you may or may not come home with white all over your face.
Put hairspray in your roots. A little teasing never did anyone any harm. Well, maybe it harmed Hillary Duff just a little bit. But, if your bangs are looking a little greasy, backcomb it (tease it), and spray it with hairspray. Let it sit for a bit, then slightly brush it out.
Lay off the products. Hairdressers sometimes encourage you to buy a bunch of crap to put in your hair. You really don’t need a ton of products, especially at your roots. Try to avoid putting products at your roots for a while and see if you can tell a difference. If you’re putting something like gloss drops or Biosilk in your hair, make sure it is only going on the ends.
And, now for two dirty hair pics..
That is all for now. Enjoy the extra hours in the day now that you aren’t showering, blow drying, and flat-ironing your life away.